That week I was at practice and I was just jogging and a shot of pain went through my leg, i fell to the ground and was in so much pain. The trainer came and got me, where he examined it and thought it was my MCL, just being super weak.After about an hour however, the pain totally went away and I felt perfectly fine. I went to the doctors and he said the same thing, that my MCL was sprained and that I needed to strengthen my quad. They told me I would be out for about a month. This was really hard for me, particularly because I felt i had worked so hard and my body gave up on me once again. At the same time, I was really relieved because it was only a month, then I could play again. I hid my sadness with laughter and just blew it off as no big deal. If you know me you know I hate talking about my problems, hate complaining and will never admit I am hurt.I guess I just inherited alot of my moms genes.
I loved going to practice just to see my newly best friends. I looked forward to seeing Ansley, Brenna and Alyssa, Whitney the most every day. They made me sooo happy. I have only known them for about 2 months but I feel like I have known them for years, we die laughing at the little things and enjoy just being in each others company. Time passed, I would go to practice to listen to coach talk,be there for the prayer and for a scripture thought because I wanted to feel apart of the team. Then i would go to the trainers, do physical therapy and work out at the gym. I would then go to the end of practice and watch all my teammates scrimmage. I mostly came just to see their faces and be around them. I kept telling myself I was so blessed for just being in hawaii, and I am still so grateful to be here. I had never been happier even though I couldn't do the one thing I came here to do, play soccer.
This happened for two weeks. On Monday, after finishing a workout Daryl and I went to the Caf where we were talking to our homie Brody who is on the soccer team. I was sitting down and tried to reposition my knee when a huge shot of pain came over me, this time it was much worse. It felt like a nerve was hit and just a constant wave of pain was going through my knee. They knew that I was in pain, so i just told them I had gotten a charley horse. We sat for about an hour and the pain was still there, and gradually getting worse. I came clean and said, " okay guys i lied when i said i had a charley horse it was really my knee." And daryl tried to help me she said straighten it! move it around and don't make it stiff. I tried to straighten it, but the medial side of my knee felt so much pressure and the pain was directed at one specific point that I could hardly move it. I kept my cool though and remained calm cause you know there was boys around and i don't like people seeing my weaknesses. Brody offered to call Guy the trainer, but i begged him not to, thinking this would put the possibility of me playing moved back further and I thought the pain would just go away like the last time. I wasn't just gonna sit there however and attempted to walk when I discovered I couldn't even put any weight on it without a fierce jab of pain. Brody being a buff guy and a nice gentleman offered to give me a piggy back ride to my Hale. I reluctantly agreed. Then daryl helped me hobble to my room where i layed in my bed. The tears finally began to flow as the pain was so intense and it just didn't stop hurting. I called my dad, and cried and cried so hard till there were no tears left. Roxanne my other room mate came in and comforted me and reassured me she was here to help me. All my room mates were out doing homework so i had the room to myself where I cried till i finally fell asleep. They had practice early that morning, where i tried to get up but couldnt move for the life of me. I ended up staying in bed for about 16 hours till i realized that the pain just wouldnt go away and there was something that was really wrong. I missed my one class, and then at about 2 i went to the doctors office. The same doctor who helped me the first time was there and as I tried to explain i couldnt stop crying because I was reliving the same nightmare I had a year ago (my acl) but i was all by myself without my parents on the most isolated island on earth. I went to the trainers on crutches, where they were trying to schedule an MRI for me. Then my phone completely broke, luckily i had a backup but it doesnt work that well. I seemed to have the worst luck. I have hardly eaten anything since then which was about 3 days ago because all i can focus on is the pain. I then went to the caf to eat, and then crutched to the stake center where i was supposed to have a meeting with my bishop.The clerk told me I was wearing inappropriate clothing and I needed to go change.So i had to crutch all the way home and go back. Life truly felt like it was against me, Satan wanted to discourage me and it was working. I was so sad, because i didnt understand why god was doing this to me. I knew I was supposed to come to Hawaii, but why would God let this happen to me once i was here? We talked for about an hour and half. He quickly got rid of all my fears, and answered many of my prayers. I love him so incredibly much. Bishop Staples encouraged me to find positivity and endure. To read my scriptures every night, go to the temple, and read my patriartical blessing at the temple.
Wednesday:
The pain was still there its always there. I went to class, with a more positive attitude. I am mostly just soooo scared to go back home. I dont want to leave Hawaii and I cry every time i think about going away. But i also recognize i cant do antyhing like swim or hike with crutches. I cant just leave in the middle of the semester either. All of these what ifs are haunting my mind. Went to my classes, took a test, went to the caf, went to the trainers to find out more about my MRI. I cant even comprehend to you how awful i feel as to how it will money wise effect my family. MRI's are very expensive. Anyways, one of the trainers named dawn, this sweet older small lady was talking to me what could possibly wrong, and she abruptly said "Are you LDS?" and i replied yes. She said " Well i put your name on the temple prayer list this morning while i was at the temple this morning, I hope that was alright." And i just started bawling my eyes out. IT WAS THE MOST NICEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE. she remembered my name out of all the athletes she sees every day, and at the temple, she thought of me. I was so overcome with the spirit and of Gods love that it was pouring out of my eyeballs.
I went to Honolulu with some gals to get my computer which was really nice to get back! ive been hidden in the library for the past two weeks trying to do all my homework in there! I started crying on the way back so hard because of how beautiful hawaii is and How i cant even comprehend of leaving here. I got a Slurpee to numb the pain hahah. I was in deep thought too, because alot of signs all over hawaii say " enjoy the simple" and thats why I love it here so much, the simple life is the best life. I came up with a new motto for myself after these last really hard days, and its this that i think everyone needs to do more of. "Endure with patience, and enjoy the simple."
I stole and hid Bessers cheeto puffs the other day cause i thought it would be funny, but when i gave them back to him like 2 days later they got all stale so i felt really bad. So i bought him some new ones and gave em to him where we were outside and talked and then my squad, (Peter, Besser, Ally and Britt) came out where we did partner yoga, listened to people sing, licked peoples elbows, played silly games and laughed really hard. These people are my best friends and I love doing things with them. I felt extremely better just being around them. We stayed up till about 1.
Thursday: The soccer team has a game today at HPU, but unfortunately i felt like i couldnt go because i didnt know if they would be back in time for when a trainer was going to take me to the hospital. They left at 9:30 this morning, there game is at 12:30 and I have to Leave the school at 3:30 today even though my appointment isnt till 8:15 pm. (Kinda ridiculous right?!) It was really hard missing out on that opportunity. I get super sad talking to coach because I know he expected so much of me and I let him down. I failed him and all my teammates even if its not my fault, im still hurt and cant play.
So Now im just waiting to leave and praying for the best results! Hopefully nothing too serious! Trust in God and believe in miracles and believe in whatever happens, happens because its supposed to. I believed I came out here to have fun and play soccer, but I guess God wants me to learn alot more and might have a different course for me to take, Im just still learning how to accept it. And ive learned that I can cry alot too haha.
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