Thursday November 19

I've always seen pictures of this temple in Kaneohe,  so i told all my friends and everyone lets go to the byodo-in temple all the time but plans just always fell through. so finally! one weekday we were just like you know what lets go. so besser, emily and I went to it. what an amazing place. it's nestled in the mountainside in a place called the valley of temples. which is a large cemetery under the HUGE MOUNTAINS. it's the prettiest cemetery I've ever been to. huge rolling green hills. it's a Buddhist temple. and it made me feel like I just took a trip to mainland China. 

a crazy bamboo Forrest near the temple 

Tuesday December 1st

okay so one day besser is like wanna swim out to chinamans hat??? which is a tiny island about 3/4 a mile off the coast near kaula ranch. it looks like a chinamans hat hence the name if you needed some clarification. I was like heck ya!!! why not friendship fun I love spontaneous adventures. so we went on a Tuesday afternoon. we got out our snorkels and floaties and we swam out there. it took FOREVER. I was so so tired swimming is really hard with a floatie. and word on the street is there are sharks out there so I got really nervous and thought this was how I was gonna die. but besser was more scared than I was. hahahha. and his roomie and our best friend peter came with us too! plus the reef never really goes down, so you can touch almost the whole way. we got to the island, and I got huge cuts from hitting the reef. we hike to the top, and ah amazing. such a beautiful view. then we had to hurry cause the sun was almost setting. paddling back was much easier cause of the current, so I just sorta kicked back and relaxed and watched the clouds turn into a light pastel pink. God took his time on this place man. the dark tall green mountains against ocean sunsets. I was lucky to be right in that moment watching. 

Sunday December 6

so savpin invited me to this guys home by the name of PJ Rogers a couple days ago for dinner, and I was so pumped. you never not take an opportunity to get a home cooked meal. I would get super upset for some reason when my dad invited people Over at our house expecially college students. I think because I felt like my dad was just being annoying, but he was just being a homie. I don't know why I would get mad, but now I understand. I am officially a poor hungry college student. and our species will do anything to get food. anything. hahaha anyways so we met him about 2 months ago at a fireside. he teaches financial something here and byu-h. is from Texas, but has the kindest heart and gives the best advice I have ever heard. he could talk to an audience for hours and I still would be mesmerized at everything he says. yeah, he's that good. his children welcomed us with jumping hugs and holding our hands, and talking to us like no big deal. it made me miss Reagan extremely because they reminded me so much of him. just so loud and annoying and brave and charismatic. ahah but we had family chat. something that I loved. we went around the table and told him what each of us learned at church. I loved listening to it. he then gave us some crazy crazy ideas about life. how God is bound to us, that we CAN receive and get one thing to God even if he doesn't want us to have it. and it's the miracle of life. we can create life regardless if God wants us to or not. AINT THAT CRAZY??? we are Devine beings and that power to create life is something so valuable and precious. it made me appreciate it so much more. 

he then gave us desert which was like hot tapioca pudding that was unreal. and then he talked to us about marriage and boys. and it kinda struck to me how much people talk about it in my life now. marriage could be a next step in my life. I'm not saying it is, but now that I'm this age there's that possibility. but he gave us 5 steps to having a successful marriage that I think is crazy crazy good. I just have to share. cause anyone can benefit from this. 

wives need from their husbands: the doctrine of pj Rogers 

1. affection (over and over again) not necessarily sex. but affection is the most important thing wives need. daily! girls have to be reminded every day that you love them. by cuddling, rubbing her back, asking how they are, telling you love them. Daily. DAILY. 

2. communication: guys- don't care how you feel, don't need a lot of detail. girl: do care how you feel and need detail. girls and guys are different. 

3. open and honest. over the top open and honest. 100% 

4. family commitment. dedicated to family. his family period. the wife first.  then the kids. then his parents/ your inlaws.

5. finance is last. people think this is the main cause of divorce, but people can be poor and happy. if they do the first four steps they will be happy, but finance is important. 

go to marriage counseling BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED 

IF HE WONT, find another dude. 

take counseling when it's good. If he won't do marriage counseling when its all good, why would he go when it gets bad. if your partner is not willing to compromise, go Find a new spouse. period 

well I think I just have been prepared. hahaha brother Rogers is an amazing righteous guy that I am so thankful I met. 

Saturday December 5

okay well this weekend was so good. every weekend is good. I counted it out and I realized I only have 10 weekends left in Hawaii! GAH so so sad where did the time go? 

but on Saturday we went in the afternoon to keikis. which is a beach in the heart of north shore between sunset and sharks cove. the waves are insane I can't even describe it to you. like the waves get over 20 feet high no joke. and they are so strong and scary. but me, sav, emily and Carissa went. and it was fab. it started trickling rain and we got there around 1. but it got super hot like we haven't had this weather in weeks! I sat watching the waves crash mesmerized while picking out a lot of shells. the sand is super thick and really yellow and full of shells! so pretty! then about 20 kids from byu showed up. and it was just a party. I went into the water, but far away from where the waves crashed. I was next to besser, and the white wash came in and was insanely strong and I fell mostly cause I didn't want to resist too much because of my knee, and I got dragged closer to where the waves crashed. besser starts pulling me to hurry and get up and run because we were super close. another wave crashed and another white wash pulls us both in. and I was just laughing cause we both got pulled in but besser was just pulling me out freaking out cause we got close and we were gonna get these 20 ft waves crash on us. hahaha not funny, but I ended up having sand in every nook and cranny of my body. and save even though I got the wind knocked out of me. hahaha also another time savpin fell in the white wash and took out 6 other people hahaha. so funny! anyways, we stayed for the sunset and it was incredible. so pretty. we got to meet a way famous photographer clark little! life was so good. I've learned in Hawaii that life goes on like it's always done, bad things can still happen, but here in Hawaii the atmosphere, life becomes a lot simpler and black and white. for me at least. you find deeper value for what's important. here are some pics 

here's two pics clark little took of THAT DAY OF THE VERY BEACH WE WERE AT, and the waves we were watching 

The Month of November

GAH dudes seriously november was crazy. There was the end of the semester, which wasnt as crazy as i had expected considering how in highschool i procrastinated everything untill the last week of the term. hahah but i was focused and so it wasnt too difficult for me. But with the end of the semester came the end of many things, including soccer and saying goodbye to the friendships i had made with people. Brooke Johnson. DANG DUDE shes gone. she left hawaii to utah, and is currently in california, and then is going to Argentina to be with her parents, then going on a mission to Jamaica. NUTTY HUH? ive never really been good at goodbyes, i tend to withdraw myself before they go, and then im sad alone all by myself like a couple weeks later. We went to waikiki, went to the Hard Rock Cafe, which is not as good as i had anticipated just fyi. Then walked around, and eventually said goodbye to her. everyone cried but me. i guess i am just a heartless hag. i have just said so many goodbyes now that im not effected by it. 

Then we had the break between semesters, which was filled with alot of beach days. like everyday. it was perfect sunny weather. so i just enjoyed going to nearby beaches like temple and hukilau to get some sun. dont worry mom i wore sunscreen. im so responicible.

Bessers friend Kenzie Evans came into town, so we spent alot of days with her. she is so rad. we went to the Swap meet which is not fun on crutches. (its just a bunch of people selling cheap stuff around the aloha stadium) 

Then the last soccer game.. wow where has all the time gone? i was kinda relieved for it to be over, considering i had to watch every single day my team mates play a game they didnt want to play (they were over it and always complaining to me) that was the only thing i wanted to do ever but i couldnt do it. That just constant headache of trying to be happy while watching others play soccer secretly destroys me. but ive gotten good at hidding it pretty well .But i was really really sad because i wouldnt see these girls as often as before, and that we would become super distant. 

Then goodbye to daryl. It didnt feel real honestly, she came into the dorm one last time and just talked to Savpin and i. But i felt like she had already gone. considering she had to get out of the dorm a week before, and was basically homeless. hahah and she couldnt stay with me. ANd i had rarely seen her. It wasnt really sad for me, because i knew she was so happy about her decision leaving and i knew it was what was best for her.. and not necesiarily me. that is true love people. 

Honestly all of my time is spent either doing school, or being with Bess. but i wouldnt have it any other way. I see him prolly 5 hours out of everyday. no joke. but i cant even function if i dont. its so weird. he's such a big chunk of my every day life now. 

Thanksgiving

i know it has been awhile! so many things have happened in the last month. end of fall semester, the break, the beginning of a new semester, thanksgiving break. too many things to write down! I am just going to tell on what happened this thanksgiving break. as it was a huge learning experience and it was so fun. Wednesday November 25 I went to one of my neighbors best friends house, and help her prepare a thanksgiving meal for that night. we spent the hours making food, cleaning, talking about our acl injuries (she has had 3 which I am very grateful has not happened to me, but knock on wood right?!? haha I hope not... ) making limeaid, cutting potatoes.then I had invited besser, peter and taylor. and then her other friend that goes to school here taryn, who brought brando. and we all held hands and told what we are greatful for. It was just kinda crazy how I was surrounded by people I didn't know 3 months ago celebrating a holiday I usually spend with my family. it made me super super homesick. I really grew to realize how important my family is to me. we then after just hung out, went to our friends house, played games. then on thanksgiving, besser invited me to go to this Latin girls home whose family lives on the military base. she drove us and it was like 2 pm and i hadn't eaten anything and I was so starving. I got car sick cause legit the girl was the worst driver ever, and I was cramped up to besser, crazy hungry and it was rainy. but there was a point where we had just passed the mountains, the mist and fog was insane. but I've never felt more peaceful and amazed as we drove through the tall dark mountains with fog everywhere listening to hozier on thanksgiving. my life is awesome and so beautiful I kept thinking to myself. we then finally got there ( I almost legit threw up) and were welcome by her amazing parents who made me feel so at home. the food was different, there was a lot of Latin dishes.

 but I scarfed that up real quick. then my family FaceTimed me and made me feel even more homesick. but it was so good to see and talk to them. besser came out and I introduced him to them and I feel bad for the gay. poor besser. he was so nervous hahahhaha! I can't wait to have my family meet him in real life though. we then watched a football game and I totally fell asleep on bessers lap with such a content happy stomach. we then drove home, then we decided to go Black Friday shopping but that was a huge mistake. because we went at like 12 but didn't know where to go. so peter just got a gopro and then we went to 7/11 and had slurpies. hahaha then drove all the way back. me and bess sat in the back of the car and just talked and I seriously started crying cause I was so thankful and happy at that exact moment because he truly has helped me with a lot. emotionally has changed my focus on just getting to know me, helping me forget about my injury and always serving me when I needed it. (like pushing me in a shopping cart.) but I didn't let him see me cry cause I was a little embarrassed and it wasn't too good of a reason to cry. I was crying cause I was happy?!? that doesn't make any sense!! and it was like around that time of the month ya know so hormones were a little insane. but it ended one of the longest but best days ever! 

thanksgiving away from home has made me realize how thankful I am for my family, and the current circumstance I am in, the people who have come into my life  and completely molded me into a better me than I was before. 

Talk on Gratitude

I had to give a talk on gratitude this past week and i think its perfectly fitting for this wonderful holiday! Being away from home has made appreciate and love my family so much more. This is the only time i have missed being home. I miss home so much. much more than i would ever expect!

Gratitude

Brother and Sisters ALOHA

Hi for those who don't know me, my name is Ekaterina Herrod, I was in this ward last semester. I'm from Provo Utah.

Today I have been asked to talk about Thanksgiving and Gratitude. Brother Smith asked me to give a short outline on the History of Thanksgiving and what this Holiday is kinda all of about.

After the Fourth of july, Thanksgiving day is our most observed national holiday. The traditional harks back to the colonists of Plymouth Plantation, Massachusetts, who after their first harvest, a celebratory feast in the fall of 1621. a three day celebration in which local Native American chiefs and tribesmen participated. But the first national Thanksgiving, authorized by the federal government took place in 1789, the first year of George Washington’s presidency.

This holiday is supposed to be about appreciating our blessings in our lives because of the sacrifices of those who made this country. It includes a large feast which includes turkey,mash potatoes, and stuffing. most americans enjoy thanksgiving that carries a spirit of gratitude.

Into fuller depth, Gratitude is a feeling of appreciation and thankfulness for blessings or benefits we have received. As we cultivate a grateful attitude, we are more likely to be happy and spiritually strong. I might add that gratitude is also a feeling of appreciation and thankfulness for the struggles, trials, obstacles and hardships that we are faced with in this life.

Having Gratitude is a commandment. In D&C 59:5-7 It States “Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things.”It is evident in this scripture that thanking the Lord is not merely a courtesy, it is a commandment like any other commandment we are given.

Not being grateful leads to Pride, which is one of the worst sins you can have. The opposite of gratitude is having pride.

In order to show gratitude you have to recognize the many blessings and enjoyments in your life.

There are many things we can be grateful for including friends, family, this beautiful earth, having a healthy body, but i would like to emphasize the importance of the gratitude we can have for adversity.

If you think about it, adversity can humble us, help us become stronger and grow to becoming the person God wants us to be. “ A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor” and “the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees” are what come to my mind. I would like to share a quick story Elder Faust shared.

“I am grateful to have lived long enough to have known some of the blessings of adversity. My memory goes back to the Great Depression, when we had certain values burned into our souls. One of these values was gratitude for what we had because we had so little. We had to learn provident living in order to survive. Rather than create in us a spirit of envy or anger for what we did not have, it developed in many a spirit of gratitude for the meager, simple things with which we were blessed, like hot homemade bread and oatmeal cereal and many other things.” As another example, I remember my beloved grandmother, Mary Caroline Roper Finlinson, making homemade soap on the farm. Her recipe for homemade soap included rendered animal fat and wood ashes. The soap had a very pungent aroma and was almost as hard as a brick. There was no money to buy soft, sweet-smelling soap. On the farm there were many dusty, sweat-laden clothes to be washed and many bodies that desperately needed a Saturday night bath. If you had to bathe with that homemade soap, you could become wonderfully clean, but you smelled worse after bathing than before. Since I use soap more now than I did as a child, I have developed a daily appreciation for mild, sweet-scented soap.”

In Experiencing difficulty you always have two options; to become become grateful or hard, to become bitter or better. I have a personal testimony of this principle as I have learned to have a positive attitude on trials. Last semester, i was playing on the soccer team and tore my ACL a second time. The first time was just a year previous. I was immediately faced the trial of getting surgery on my own in the middle of the semester without my family and at the same time of being a full time student on a teeny tiny island. After i had surgery being on crutches i soon realized that it was much harder than i had anticipated. I could barely do any simple tasks such as putting my shoes on, walking to places, getting food, taking a shower, and so on. I prayed so so hard every day that the people around me would recognize when i needed help. Simple favors such as holding the door for me, helping me get food from the caf, cheering me on as i crutched to class, where all the answers to my prayers that may have seemed miniscule to those who performed those favors but for me testified of God's love for me and that he answered my prayers. I grew to have a greater appreciation for these small deeds that i could not do and realized how simply incredible all the things that we do in our day that we take totally for granted like walking to class. i learned to focus on the things that i still had instead of the things i couldn't do. One of my favorite hymns is Count Your Blessings, and i would like to just share a few verses with you.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings; name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done. …

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,

Do not be discouraged; God is over all.

Count your many blessings; angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Thomas S. Monson suggested when experiencing difficulty to “think to thank” which creates a course for a happy marriage, enduring friendships and a pattern of personal happiness. I encourage you all whether you are facing trials today or not, to always remember to think to thank. He also said and i quote “ it is difficult to develop a spirit of gratitude if our thankfulness is only proportional to the number of blessings we can count. True, it is important to frequently “count our blessings” and anyone who has tried this knows there is many, but i dont believe the Lord expects us to be less thankful in times of abundance and ease. In fact, most of the scriptural references do not speak of gratitude FOR things, but rather suggest an overall spirit or attitude of gratitude.” end of quote.

A grateful heart is the beginning of greatness. An expression of humility. A foundation for development of virtues such as prayer, faith, love and happiness. THINK ABOUT IT. Most things that are good all come from being grateful. One of my favorite books is called the Tao of Pooh and one of the quotes that has stuck with me is this: “do you really want to be happy?You can begin by being appreciative of who you are and what you've got”

In addition to personal gratitude as a saving principle, especially in our trials,  I would like to express a feeling for the gratitude we ought to have for the many blessings we enjoy. Like living in one of the most beautiful places on earth. I try to thank God everyday for living in such a wonderful place where i so often feel his love for me amidst His simple creation of nature. Yes we have our families, we have our friends, we have this church, but the one person we must always strive and be eternally be grateful for is God and Jesus Christ. We should thank our Heavenly Father for His goodness to us by acknowledging His hand in all things, thanking Him for all that He gives us, keeping His commandments, and serving others. We should especially thank Him for His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, for the Savior's great example, for His teachings, for His outreaching hand to lift and help, for His infinite Atonement.

“He taught us how to pray. He taught us how to serve. He taught us how to live. His life is a legacy of love. The sick He healed; the downtrodden He lifted; the sinner He saved.Only He stood alone. Some Apostles doubted; one betrayed Him. The Roman soldiers pierced His side. The angry mob took His life. There yet rings from Golgotha’s hill His compassionate words, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”

How can we show gratitude for our Savior? By using the atonement alot. It never runs out, so why delay is repenting and use its power to its maximun potential. By praying daily and night and expressing our gratitude to God through our prayers. By keeping his commandments. Let us follow Him. Let us emulate Christs example. Let us obey His word. By doing so, we give Him the devine gift of gratitude.

I would just like to close with the scipture Alma 37:37 “Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day”

October 14

rehab has been good and I went back to school on Monday so that's good! just been busy catching up with school and everything! so I'm staying and Ansley's and alyssas still, and I just feel so bad I've been here for so long! I feel like I need to go back to the dorms, but I had the deep impression to stay here tonight. so I just kinda layed there on the couch like I always do. then all of a sudden a bunch of sister missionaries show up. I was sooo confused on what was going on. but they were so sweet AH 

literally I told them what was happening to me and they were freaking out and told me how brave I was and how strong I was to be a 18 year old college student in Hawaii with a destroyed knee on crutches. it kinda help me realize how we as individuals don't give ourselves enough credit. how we are sooo hard on ourselves and that it's okay to take a step back and realize you're awesome and you're strong and you're doing amazing things. because you are! and it's okay to once in awhile be proud of yourself. TREAT YO SELF 

anyways they talked to us for awhile with this cute roommate I have for this two weeks her names Ashley and is the most thoughtful soft spoken cutest girl ever. and we talked about missions, and trials and they shared the scripture in Moroni 

it was so simple and cute and I felt the spirit soooo strongly and I've literally never seen people glow like people describe but these ladies where shining! I couldn't stop smiling and they definetly felt prompted to come here cause I needed to hear their testimonies and talk to girls around my age who chose to serve God for 1.5 years of their life.i just kept thinking "this could be me" and I was soo extremely excited if I decide to serve a mission. I've always wanted to, and I had a plan that I was gonna go around March. but that plan keeps changing and I'm just waiting to see what happens in my life and praying lots to find my answers for what direction I should take in my life. 

then I asked if they knew Karen calvacante, which one of them did so I took a picture and here it is!!! excuse my pajama clothes I was ready to go to bed hahaha it was like 8 pm but I felt pretty embarrassed I was wearing boys boxers with sister missionaries. hahahah they comforted me, prayed for me, and told me if I ever needed anything to call them! they are so cute ah and people are beautiful and wonderful. throughout this whole trial I've learned that it's okay to have people serve you. I have become humbled as I watch people go out of their way to serve me from running to opening the door for me to making me cookies to writing a nice note to giving me hugs and genuinly asking me how I'm doing and telling Me I look pretty to when the whole school floods from rain water and the sidewalk is literally a river and it's pouring rain and a boy carries you to where you need to go and gets all wet just to help you even though he doesn't know you. 

at times I feel helpless, like at the caf when I have nobody to carry my food, but there is ALWAYS someone who comes and helps. I've learned to ask for help, but most of the time someone is there already serving me because they see it and as a result I've become so much closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. LIFE IS GOOD 

October 1-10 SURGERY AND RECOVERY YAY

well! surgery went well! my friend britt came with me! she's such a sweetheart. she made me feel loved and safe and not nervous. she even woke up at 5 am to come with me. that's true friendship right there. it wasn't even in a hospital it was in this really nice clinic. I begged the doctor to give me a nerve block. he agreed and I was so happy. haha the last thing I remember is them giving me the shot but I was out of it and I could see them moving it around to make sure they got the right nerve and then I fell asleep. it took me awhile to wake up. but I said some pretty crazy things all that were recorded by britt. hahaha I will try and upload them in a bit.

they give me some ginger ale, and put me in a wheel chair and then I got in the front seat of the car. I was pretty out of it. we parked near the training room back on campus. I remember yelling at some of the soccer boys cause they just got done with the game. that's why none of my close friends like Daryl, besser, peter, ansley or alyssa could come. cause they had a game. but we came right as the boys game ended, and coach parked right next to my car. and him and his wife came and said hi kat, how are you? and I felt pretty good but I was pretty out of it. he then told me that alyssa who was supposed to take care of me this week will be traveling with the team ( they were going to the mainland from Sunday to Sunday) I started crying. I kept telling them who will take care of me? the tears came down my face so fast. I was so scared and I was so afraid. I felt so helpless. they tried to reassure me but I was so mad. then Pettie and bess said hi to me. but I was so out of it. hahaha. they took me to Ansley's and Alyssa's house which is super nice and I sat on the comfiest couch ever. I layed there. a lot of people came to visit. Daryl,Brooke,sav, taylor and Emily came. I am so incredibly blessed with all the loving people here my friends I knew back home and the new ones. on Saturday the teams had a game so I sat on the medical bed and watched both games. natalie lewis mom came and brought me the yummiest home cooked meal. I felt like I was gonna be ok. with all the food people were bringing me. haha. brenna and her husband came by and brought me food as well. besser visited me every night and made me forget I was hurt and just made me so happy. on the night before they left to travel to the mainland I was literally begging him not to leave. hahaha but he said I was sooo out of it and tired that it was funny to see what I would say. hahah. the pain finally started to come on that Saturday. and I was taking OxyContin. 

here's my new scar:))) he did a quad graft meaning he took part of my quad tendon and put it my ACL. 

 Sunday, all my friends left to the mainland. it was hard. my dream was right there. all my life I wanted to play college soccer and travel and now I couldn't. Monday- i had a follow up with Marumoto the doctor, so I went all the way to Honolulu with Trez. I don't really remember what he said cause I was on some drugs hahaha. and I hadn't eaten anything and got car sick. 

Tuesday- I had physical therapy for the first time in the training room. it was hard because I was so disappointed in myself. the pain was really bad. guy the trainer told me not to compare this surgery to the last one, because this one is a lot worse. so I don't want my expectations to be so high. I sat in that training room and tried my hardest to even lift my leg up, but the pain. I have never felt this way in my entire life. just hopeless. I just wanted to play soccer. this was the second time I cried. the atrophy in my leg is already there, my leg is literally just bone. I sat there as basketball players came in, and I could see the pity in dawns eyes as she looked at me. I forgot how hard this was. I forgot how frustrated you get with your own body. it's you against yourself. and how much it just sucks. 

this week was the slowest week of my life. I did nothing. I would wake up at about 6 am every morning and feel the pain, take some pills fall asleep again, eat breakfast. then around 2 I would go to physical therapy, come home have someone bring me food watch a couple movies then go to bed. haha. I learned to love the girls who didn't get to travel cause they took care of me especially whitney. she's amazing. and so kind. however Thursday and Friday were hard, I felt so home sick. I tried to shower by myself which took about an hour and a half. I felt so bad for myself and I just beat myself up. Thursday was the game they played Dixie. Daryl got to see her family, everybody got to see their family. and I was alone in a shower unable to walk in Hawaii. it sucks. haha I cried to my dad and he just makes me feel better after I talk to him. besser also helps, he talks to me a lot and keeps me normal and keeps my mind off the severity of the situation. 

I've gotten motivation to play soccer again, I want it so bad. I want to play again. I want to be able to walk too. haha crutching around the house has been annoying, and I'm gonna have to get used to it cause I'll be on crutches for 6 weeks. and schools gonna be sooo fun especially since the semester is drawing to a close. but what motivated me also was conference. I only watched the second session of Sunday, but two talks stood out to me so well. my prayers were answered. two talks talked about trials. and how they can Change our perspective. I wrote it on my Instagram and I'll end this post here. 

"physical restrictions can expand our vision. Limited stamina can clarify priorities" -Elder Bednar 

I have thought to myself and prayed this conference about trials and what I get out of my own trials, particularly this injury that has disappointed me not just once but twice and caused so much heartbreak and pain. I've realized that it's a blesson: a lesson you learn that soon becomes a blessing. it's opened my eyes to what's important and all the wonderful things I can still be grateful for. and that if we come unto Christ we can not just endure every trial but enjoy it through focusing on the simple things we can do instead of things we can't do, and if we do this we will become a lot happier even when our life takes a totally different direction.

I'm learning this more and more every day, if I focus my thoughts and attitudes towards the things I can still do instead of the things I can't, I'll be a lot happier. because this trial isn't something that's gonna change so I might as just be happy any way. 

September 23 2015 THE PLAN

So yesterday i went to the doctor. I was really nervous but I felt like I had really prepared for what was going to happen.
This small asian hawaiian by the name of Dr. Marumoto walks in and he looks at me straight in the eyes and said " you really did something to your knee. this is really really bad. You completely retore your ACL, and your medial meniscus is torn in a way called a bucket handle tear. Where you mensicus is moved completely to the other side of your knee. This is bad and you need to get it done as soon as possible, no waiting till the end of the sememster or a few weeks. You should go home, but if you cant i can do the surgery for you. If you wait, you will walk with a limp for the rest of your life and have trouble just walking." Ok well shiz. i was so stunned. I didnt realize how severe it was. My whole life came into perspective, but i quietly sat there listening. I took the news like a champ or so my trainer told me. He then tried to see if he could move the mensicus by moving my leg in different directions, but my knee was so uncapable of that. Then as quickly as he came, he left. And i was faced with so many decisions. I was so alone but for the first time in my life I really felt like I was in control of my life and felt like an adult. I decided that I am having surgery here, next week on thursday October 1st. Ill be in bed for about a week and a half, then crutches for 6 weeks. I called my parents, and we talked for awhile, and then they talked to the doctor. But i ultimately made the choice to stay here, and get the surgery done and recover here. NUTS HUH. All by myself without my family. I kind of lost it at this point, i was talking to the nurse, filling out my paperwork feeling sooo overwhelmed with all these decisions I was making, the tears flowed down my cheeks. I stared out into the city of Honolulu and thought "this is my life, no use complaining. IT IS WHAT IT IS. whether this is apart of gods plan for me or not. I have to have a good attitude about it."
When we drove back to Laie, there was the huge amazing green mountains and the sky was on fire, it was one of the prettiest sunsets ive ever seen. And i thought to myself this makes it worth it. Even if i cant swim or hike for a long time, i am still in hawaii. Just the atmosphere brings me peace and love for this earth and God.
This morning (wednesday) i went and talked to all my proffessors who were all very understanding which i am so grateful for. I went and got a nice letter from Annie, and a package of a book that was suppossed to come about a month ago. haha. I talked to my counselor, and set up my schedule for next semester. She told me i am after fall, considered a sophemore in college, so i need to tell her my major. I WAS SO STARTLED AND SCARED i was like gahhhh i have no idea what i want to do in life! i am taking the direction of social work/physcology which is kinda nuts i just kinda winged it. I love talking to people but in no way do i want to be a social worker so im not sure what i got myself into. ON the plus side, when i have surgery ill be able to have alot of time on my hands to hopefully figure that out. When i get stressed out or when i tell people that im going to have surgery on a tiny island alonevwithout my family, be on crutches for 6 weeks and be a full time college student they tell me im crazy and i got my work cut out for me. And i do, but this is the situation im in and i just gotta go with it!
Growing up is hard, but i have never learned so much than i have out here.
Enjoy the simple.

Saturday September 20th 2015 WHAT

Alot of mixed emotions right now. My heart has never been so heavy. I retore my ACL.

When I met with my Bishop this past week, he told me to go to the temple and read my patriartical blessing there. So this morning i got up early and crutched to the temple which was actually really hard, but i can do hard things right? I sat in the grass overlooking the temple, i layed on my back and stared at the clouds pass by so quickly and felt so calm and reassured. I prayed hard that I could play soccer this season because I wanted to so badly and had worked so hard. But deep down I knew this was the end. I stayed hopeful.I read my blessing and my perspective on alot of things slowly changed, and I became comforted that this was all apart of Gods Plan. 

here's some pictures I took while there. I love this place so much.

The trainers yesterday told me that I wouldnt find out till monday the results of my MRI so I just braced myself for monday. I came back to my dorm, and got ready to go the soccer game vs. University of Hilo Hawaii. We had a nice chat in the CAC, i was so happy to see Brenna and all my soccer homies again because I hadnt seen them all week. I felt so happy to be there. SO HAPPY to be apart of a team that loved each other and cared for one another so much. I was so excited to watch them play. I talked to coach and told him I was sorry I had let him down but he quickly reminded me it wasnt my fault, and that he would be here for me if i needed anything.

As i walked onto the field, i got so happy I love soccer so much, i love the atmosphere. I decided I had had enough of the crutches and walked around like a free woman and because i had really bad rashes under my armpits. I helped them set up pre-game, coach Aaron made me pass him balls even though i could barely walk. hahah. but i was ok with it. Because I was given a little responsibilty and i felt so included. 

Then one of the trainers, Guy told me to come over and talk to him. I thought he was gonna get so mad at me for not being on crutches hahah i got sooo nervous. But he sat me down and slowly said "so your MRI results came in...." the hairs on my neck went up high and my ears tuned in to listen to my fate "and your ACL is torn." WHAT?!? a million thoughts went through my head and all i did was slowly nod my head.
At this point, i dont really remember anything else. Its all kind of a blur. All i remember is crying and crying. Coach Aaron came and he was the first to know. He told me not to tell the girls till after the game. So i sat by Guy and i just kept sobbing. This wasnt real and this wasnt fair. AND definetly not what i expected. This time felt completly different than the other time. It couldnt be this severe. A wave of emotion just hit me so hard. I was so happy to be in that moment of watching my team mates play to hearing the worst news of my life. Coach Davis came to me and gave me a hug, he was at a loss of words and i dont blame him. My heart was completely torn out of my chest. I kept crying. some girls came and gave me hugs but i got mad at them and told them to focus on the game. hahah. a million thoughts were going through my head. I just sat there, so sad. The last year and a half was focused on getting better from my previous ACL tear to come kill it at BYU hawaii. and all my hard work was diminished into nothing, just another ACL tear again. This was the one moment I felt so alone. I have never grieved so much in my entire life. I'll stuck in hawaii, I have to have surgery and I can't even enjoy the ocean or go on hikes or do cool stuff with my friends. I am disabled now (just for a little bit) and all I ever wanted to be was normal, to be healthy and to play soccer.

Today was the hardest day of my life. But I have never felt so comforted by all the new people i have met. In the begining of pregame each girl said who they were playing for. And brena came up to me later and said " i told everyone i was playing for my mom, but i am really playing for you" followed by a long hug and it was so sweet and thoughtful.

this is a pic Someone took right after I found out I had torn it, this is cutie brenna.

savpin just showed up to our hale cause Daryl and I are both kinda sick and gave us AMAZING crepes and some Nutella. I knew it took a lot of time to make them and it was such a sweet gift. then Brooke and her roommates taylor and Emily came and gave me bubbalicious gum cause they knew it was my favorite and cookies and a cute balloon. HOW NICE?!? on Sunday, a girl I had met once in the training room, took the time to come and see me, gave me cookies and really emphasized that she was here for me because she had just had the same surgery. on Sunday night, two of my team mates kala and Whitney brought me brownies, sweet notes and kala painted me a painting!?!? how NICE IS THAT? I can't even emphasize to you how much I value effort and time, and when people take their own time and give me something It means SOOO much to me, even if im bad expressing how much it means to me. gahhhh I can't get over it how amazing people are. And i love all the people i have met here. They have taught me that even if you need help, its okay to let people help you because youre giving them an opportunity to serve and to become closer to our savior through acts of service. I have always been stubborn refusing others help, but I learned that it's ok to need help and to let people serve you. People are nice and im so blessed to be here, i wouldnt want to be anywhere else. I cant even imagine being some place else and having the same thing happen to me. So many people have touched me and ive never felt Gods love for me so strong than here in hawaii. Life throws alot of disapppointments, struggles and heart aches at us but you gotta just endure with patience and learn to enjoy the simple things.This isnt the end of the world, but soccer is such a huge chunk of my life because ive invested so many years,work and thought into it. Most things I think about involve soccer, so it's pretty hard when you have to reevaluate your whole mindset to simply just getting healthy from pushing yourself to become a better soccer player.This is hard, but i can do hard things. 

September 17th 2015: HOW IT HAPPENED

I am sorry i haven't written at all these past two weeks, Ive been very reluctant to. And I will tell you why in a little bit. Last week, my best friend Mckenzie Brockbank came and visited us before her mission. We hiked, swam, ate lots of good food, laughed really hard just like old times. I love her so much, she made me miss home very much but made it feel like I was home at the same time. My definition of home has changed significantly since I have been in Hawaii. Its not about where you are, but who you are with. I have been blessed with 3 best friends Daryl, Brooke and Savpin who came here with me. I don't feel alone ever. I will make a video soon showing our adventures! Friendship will be forever, I know it even if in a few years we wont see each other. The power of six will be best friends till we are grandmas with saggy boobs. (Annie, Brooke, Savpin, Daryl, Kenzie, Emmaline, and I)
That week I was at practice and I was just jogging and a shot of pain went through my leg, i fell to the ground and was in so much pain. The trainer came and got me, where he examined it and thought it was my MCL, just being super weak.After about an hour however, the pain totally went away and I felt perfectly fine. I went to the doctors and he said the same thing, that my MCL was sprained and that I needed to strengthen my quad. They told me I would be out for about a month. This was really hard for me, particularly because I felt i had worked so hard and my body gave up on me once again. At the same time, I was really relieved because it was only a month, then I could play again. I hid my sadness with laughter and just blew it off as no big deal. If you know me you know I hate talking about my problems, hate complaining and will never admit I am hurt.I guess I just inherited alot of my moms genes.
 I loved going to practice just to see my newly best friends. I looked forward to seeing Ansley, Brenna and Alyssa, Whitney the most every day. They made me sooo happy. I have only known them for about 2 months but I feel like I have known them for years, we die laughing at the little things and enjoy just being in each others company. Time passed, I would go to practice to listen to coach talk,be there for the prayer and for a scripture thought because I wanted to feel apart of the team. Then i would go to the trainers, do physical therapy and work out at the gym. I would then go to the end of practice and watch all my teammates scrimmage. I mostly came just to see their faces and be around them. I kept telling myself I was so blessed for just being in hawaii, and I am still so grateful to be here. I had never been happier even though I couldn't do the one thing I came here to do, play soccer.
This happened for two weeks. On Monday, after finishing a workout Daryl and I went to the Caf where we were talking to our homie Brody who is on the soccer team. I was sitting down and tried to reposition my knee when a huge shot of pain came over me, this time it was much worse. It felt like a nerve was hit and just a constant wave of pain was going through my knee. They knew that I was in pain, so i just told them I had gotten a charley horse. We sat for about an hour and the pain was still there, and gradually getting worse. I came clean and said, " okay guys i lied when i said i had a charley horse it was really my knee." And daryl tried to help me she said straighten it! move it around and don't make it stiff. I tried to straighten it, but the medial side of my knee felt so much pressure and the pain was directed at one specific point that I could hardly move it. I kept my cool though and remained calm cause you know there was boys around and i don't like people seeing my weaknesses. Brody offered to call Guy the trainer, but i begged him not to, thinking this would put the possibility of me playing moved back further and I thought the pain would just go away like the last time. I wasn't just gonna sit there however and attempted to walk when I discovered I couldn't even put any weight on it without a fierce jab of pain. Brody being a buff guy and a nice gentleman offered to give me a piggy back ride to my Hale. I reluctantly agreed. Then daryl helped me hobble to my room where i layed in my bed. The tears finally began to flow as the pain was so intense and it just didn't stop hurting. I called my dad, and cried and cried so hard till there were no tears left. Roxanne my other room mate came in and comforted me and reassured me she was here to help me. All my room mates were out doing homework so i had the room to myself where I cried till i finally fell asleep. They had practice early that morning, where i tried to get up but couldnt move for the life of me. I ended up staying in bed for about 16 hours till i realized that the pain just wouldnt go away and there was something that was really wrong. I missed my one class, and then at about 2 i went to the doctors office. The same doctor who helped me the first time was there and as I tried to explain i couldnt stop crying because I was reliving the same nightmare I had a year ago (my acl) but i was all by myself without my parents on the most isolated island on earth. I went to the trainers on crutches, where they were trying to schedule an MRI for me. Then my phone completely broke, luckily i had a backup but it doesnt work that well. I seemed to have the worst luck. I have hardly eaten anything since then which was about 3 days ago because all i can focus on is the pain. I then went to the caf to eat, and then crutched to the stake center where i was supposed to have a meeting with my bishop.The clerk told me I was wearing inappropriate clothing and I needed to go change.So i had to crutch all the way home and go back. Life truly felt like it was against me, Satan wanted to discourage me and it was working. I was so sad, because i didnt understand why god was doing this to me. I knew I was supposed to come to Hawaii, but why would God let this happen to me once i was here? We talked for about an hour and half. He quickly got rid of all my fears, and answered many of my prayers. I love him so incredibly much. Bishop Staples encouraged me to find positivity and endure. To read my scriptures every night, go to the temple, and read my patriartical blessing at the temple.
Wednesday:
The pain was still there its always there. I went to class, with a more positive attitude. I am mostly just soooo scared to go back home. I dont want to leave Hawaii and I cry every time i think about going away. But i also recognize i cant do antyhing like swim or hike with crutches. I cant just leave in the middle of the semester either. All of these what ifs are haunting my mind. Went to my classes, took a test, went to the caf, went to the trainers to find out more about my MRI. I cant even comprehend to you how awful i feel as to how it will money wise effect my family. MRI's are very expensive. Anyways, one of the trainers named dawn, this sweet older small lady was talking to me what could possibly wrong, and she abruptly said "Are you LDS?" and i replied yes. She said " Well i put your name on the temple prayer list this morning while i was at the temple this morning, I hope that was alright." And i just started bawling my eyes out. IT WAS THE MOST NICEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE. she remembered my name out of all the athletes she sees every day, and at the temple, she thought of me. I was so overcome with the spirit and of Gods love that it was pouring out of my eyeballs.
I went to Honolulu with some gals to get my computer which was really nice to get back! ive been hidden in the library for the past two weeks trying to do all my homework in there! I started crying on the way back so hard because of how beautiful hawaii is and How i cant even comprehend of leaving here. I got a Slurpee to numb the pain hahah.  I was in deep thought too, because alot of signs all over hawaii say " enjoy the simple" and thats why I love it here so much, the simple life is the best life. I came up with a new motto for myself after these last really hard days, and its this that i think everyone needs to do more of. "Endure with patience, and enjoy the simple."

I stole and hid Bessers cheeto puffs the other day cause i thought it would be funny, but when i gave them back to him like 2 days later they got all stale so i felt really bad. So i bought him some new ones and gave em to him where we were outside and talked and then my squad, (Peter, Besser, Ally and Britt) came out where we did partner yoga, listened to people sing, licked peoples elbows, played silly games and laughed really hard. These people are my best friends and I love doing things with them. I felt extremely better just being around them. We stayed up till about 1.

Thursday: The soccer team has a game today at HPU, but unfortunately i felt like i couldnt go because i didnt know if they would be back in time for when a trainer was going to take me to the hospital. They left at 9:30 this morning, there game is at 12:30 and I have to Leave the school at 3:30 today even though my appointment isnt till 8:15 pm. (Kinda ridiculous right?!) It was really hard missing out on that opportunity. I get super sad talking to coach because I know he expected so much of me and I let him down. I failed him and all my teammates even if its not my fault, im still hurt and cant play.
So Now im just waiting to leave and praying for the best results! Hopefully nothing too serious! Trust in God and believe in miracles and believe in whatever happens, happens because its supposed to. I believed I came out here to have fun and play soccer, but I guess God wants me to learn alot more and might have a different course for me to take, Im just still learning how to accept it. And ive learned that I can cry alot too haha.

August 31/ September 1

these last two days have been interesting.... 

Monday: so Monday's are the worst first off. I went to Book of Mormon and a stinky boy sat by me and I felt like I was gonna throw up the whole period. he always was drinking Mountain Dew and burping which didn't help. then I went to geology where my phone accidentally clicked a video and I got kicked out of class for it making a sound ahahhaha. my professor looked at me and just said straight up "leave get out of my class" 

then I had dropped my computer the night before but didn't check it and I went to my dorm tried to get my computer to turn on and the whole screen got cracked. destroyed. I started freaking out. went to the it service computer place and they told me I would have to go to the store. I then forgot my key card and I was stuck outside my dorm for awhile. Daryl found me on the floor outside our dorm crying my eyes out on the floor. hahaha what a sight to see. the day got pretty good after that. I was chewing bubble gum so hard in the library with my friends and that was a good time. 

Tuesday: we had soccer in the early am so we had the whole afternoon free. I ofcourse took a 3 hour nap and then Daryl and Brooke came with me to Honolulu to best buy where they could fix my computer but it would take them about 2 weeks to fix. HOW AM I GONNA SURVIVE COLLEGE WITHOUT A LAPTOP?!? haha but it worked all out quite nicely. I have never been more happy though, being here with my best friends. we ran around town, stared at sunsets and have to use the bus which takes us like an hour and a half to get there instead of about 45 minutes in a car. but it's an adventure. we then ate food at a little cafe where we were happy to eat normal food. it was a good Tuesday. I have never been so happy in my entire life even though stinky boys and being stupid and dropping my computer gets in my way. happiness is an attitude not a destination. JUST ENJOY THE TIME YOU ARE BREATHING. 

Thursday September 3- A Free Society

So my favorite class is Political Science, (Yes I do go to school)  I just spent literally 8 freaking hours writing this essay even though its not that long, it required every once of my body/mind to write it. And i am not gonna lie im pretty proud of it, so imma post it cause im a G. 

A free society is a society where humans are not “born into” a place or position but are free to do as they wish. Liberty however requires limits in order for a society to truly be free. A government system is vital; a government system powers are limited and have separation of powers that creates order and assists the people. There must be restraints and the only one that truly makes individuals free is self restraint. Once the peoples safety and liberty is secured, the most essential requirement of a free society is the individual's values and shared moral values of right and wrong.

In a free society there are several features that make it free. Freedom from necessity, a market economy, people give the power to the government, Truth is for the individual, the separation of faith and politics and the restrictive powers of the government are all important elements in a free society. In the past, this delicate balance of proportions rarely occurred. In a primitive world, freedom was hard to come by because most individuals faced obstacles of material necessity. Freedom cannot be an option merely because humans could only think of survival. As societies slowly grew, trade and business began. A market economy was the best liberation from essential slavery or the bondage of necessity because humans had the time and energy to pursue what they wanted to and had surplus that enabled them to choose what they deemed admirable. Once an ongoing market economy can be established that is competitive as Locke suggested, freedom now is not only for the powerful but for the weak and poor. But this freedom has to be protected by government. Government is a requirement of a free society. Alexander Hamilton stated “ that if mankind were to resolve to agree in no institution of government, until every part of it had been adjusted to the most exact standard of perfection, society would soon become a general scene of anarchy, and the world a desert.” ( The Federalist Papers No. 65)

Many as seen in history pursued power over others and used their power for their own ambitions. Oligarchy and Anarchy were the main systems of tyranny. These powers were used all throughout history. The main ideology was that God gave the power to the king or ruler and then he reigned over the people. This line from God to King to People is totally reversed in a free society. God gives the power to the people, who give the power to the government. Through history, ideals have evolved. In Premodern Christianity, Christ taught his followers to think for themselves as individuals, stressed the importance of the separation of faith and politics and that truth can be found by the people and not just the leaders and the powerful. (pg 17 Danford) Which is a focal point that is highly stressed today in America which is the best example of a free society. In the United States of America, the constitution created by our founding fathers instituted essential restrictions that make us more free. They believed the government they were creating had only one role which was to secure each individual's rights: rights which are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. James Madison said “ambition must be made to counteract ambition” (Muir pg.55) These founding fathers understood that human nature is both good and bad, and that you must protect the good and restrict the bad. The members of the society must have security, safety and a free marketplace to flourish. In order to maintain a fair society, there must be a balance of power in the government system. “A balance is more than just an identity of force, but is an effective balance is protecting relationships from deteriorating” (Muir p.36) This doesn't mean that you can always use peace to have balance, you need a strong government system that is not afraid to act if necessary. Although Gandhi used peace to obtain freedom, freedom in most circumstances must be fought for in order to be kept and established. A balance of powers in the United States government has split power into three branches; the Legislative, Judicial and Exeutive.

These branches cannot be more domniant than the other, creating a system that is fair. It allows an openness for debate in regards of freedom of speech and there is not one force that can over rule the other, it has to be a majority vote and allows debate to take place as well as educating the general public to prepare for undertaking a new law (Muir pg 56) The resulting policies are always smart, with little flaws because it gets read through various committees, leaders and to the legislative branch several times before going to the president’s desk to sign.

There is one however one paramount ideal that I have breifly mentioned that is the key to having a free society, which is the moral responsibility of the individual. In The Roots of Freedom, Danford suggests the principles of each individual life is of value, that by nature man is political by nature and his duty to his community is to aim for excellence or virtue. (pg 182) and without this, societies cannot flourish and individual freedom cannot be pursued. The moral duty of the citizens  is an underlying ideal that is not grasped well enough in our society today. A free society motivates the individuals to improve themselves which makes it function properly.

The reason that free societies flourish is based on the acknowledgment that the individual needs to have purpose. The individual needs to have motives, dreams and aspirations that make that individual their better self. Along with education and creativity, individuals need a teleology perspective of fulfillment in a free society. Individuals in this society use self restraint in order to keep their freedoms. And that is what America has been known for. We chose to be the hardest working, religious, diverse and creative country because of our individualism and endeavour to become the best individuals we can be. That is why America is a free society and has lasted and been the most influential country for the 200 years since it was created.

However our society is experiencing a moral decay, with popular media becoming more brutal and violent, ruining our perceptions and understanding of purpose with a more increased belief of atheism.(Danford pg.175) A decline in individual responsibility and decline in religious belief is shifting our country into a society that is becoming less free and educated.  We are revising our

vision of meaning into a materialistic intellect rather than a soul seeking intellect. We are degrading our freedom only if we continue to be more secular.