So yesterday i went to the doctor. I was really nervous but I felt like I had really prepared for what was going to happen.
This small asian hawaiian by the name of Dr. Marumoto walks in and he looks at me straight in the eyes and said " you really did something to your knee. this is really really bad. You completely retore your ACL, and your medial meniscus is torn in a way called a bucket handle tear. Where you mensicus is moved completely to the other side of your knee. This is bad and you need to get it done as soon as possible, no waiting till the end of the sememster or a few weeks. You should go home, but if you cant i can do the surgery for you. If you wait, you will walk with a limp for the rest of your life and have trouble just walking." Ok well shiz. i was so stunned. I didnt realize how severe it was. My whole life came into perspective, but i quietly sat there listening. I took the news like a champ or so my trainer told me. He then tried to see if he could move the mensicus by moving my leg in different directions, but my knee was so uncapable of that. Then as quickly as he came, he left. And i was faced with so many decisions. I was so alone but for the first time in my life I really felt like I was in control of my life and felt like an adult. I decided that I am having surgery here, next week on thursday October 1st. Ill be in bed for about a week and a half, then crutches for 6 weeks. I called my parents, and we talked for awhile, and then they talked to the doctor. But i ultimately made the choice to stay here, and get the surgery done and recover here. NUTS HUH. All by myself without my family. I kind of lost it at this point, i was talking to the nurse, filling out my paperwork feeling sooo overwhelmed with all these decisions I was making, the tears flowed down my cheeks. I stared out into the city of Honolulu and thought "this is my life, no use complaining. IT IS WHAT IT IS. whether this is apart of gods plan for me or not. I have to have a good attitude about it."
When we drove back to Laie, there was the huge amazing green mountains and the sky was on fire, it was one of the prettiest sunsets ive ever seen. And i thought to myself this makes it worth it. Even if i cant swim or hike for a long time, i am still in hawaii. Just the atmosphere brings me peace and love for this earth and God.
This morning (wednesday) i went and talked to all my proffessors who were all very understanding which i am so grateful for. I went and got a nice letter from Annie, and a package of a book that was suppossed to come about a month ago. haha. I talked to my counselor, and set up my schedule for next semester. She told me i am after fall, considered a sophemore in college, so i need to tell her my major. I WAS SO STARTLED AND SCARED i was like gahhhh i have no idea what i want to do in life! i am taking the direction of social work/physcology which is kinda nuts i just kinda winged it. I love talking to people but in no way do i want to be a social worker so im not sure what i got myself into. ON the plus side, when i have surgery ill be able to have alot of time on my hands to hopefully figure that out. When i get stressed out or when i tell people that im going to have surgery on a tiny island alonevwithout my family, be on crutches for 6 weeks and be a full time college student they tell me im crazy and i got my work cut out for me. And i do, but this is the situation im in and i just gotta go with it!
Growing up is hard, but i have never learned so much than i have out here.
Enjoy the simple.
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